adventures and transitions

Last week we got back from our road trip to South Dakota. We went to visit friends and participate in the Sundance, a traditional Lakota ritual. For years the drums and the colors and the prayers have helped me to stay clear and focused in my life, to renew my energy and enthusiasm for life and to give thanks in a genuine way for all of the blessings. I see also that it affects the boys in a deep way as they become entirely entranced with the rhythms and seem to come away as changed as I feel afterwards.

As I packed our camping gear and plotted out our trip on the map, I thought I was on an unstoppable mission to get to South Dakota with minimal impact on the boys. It was clear even on the first night when we stopped at a rest area by La Veta pass for a picnic dinner and saw a rainbow that we were in for so much more. Much to my surprise, the boys were ready to not only attain the goal with me but to enjoy the process of getting there. Rafa got out his notebook and crayons and drew the sunset. Tono sang songs and laughed at himself. We played "I spy". They were continually ready for the next adventure with eyes wide open. We found lakes and hot springs to swim in, playgrounds to romp in, went on a tour of Wind Cave, and each night I put their sleeping bodies in our tent in a new place and each morning they were thrilled to see where we woke up. I was in heaven sharing my sense of adventure and love of travel with my boys who for how long now have grounded me and rooted me in our also beloved home.

In just over two weeks, Rafa will go to kindergarten. I find myself cherishing our time together now working in the garden and swimming in the hot springs. I can think of only one day of Antonio's life that he has spent without his brother at his side. Their closeness is one of my life's greatest joys. It is hard to imagine what a day with only Tono will be like. And yet I am so excited and Rafa has expressed only eagerness to go to kindergarten. I imagine him thriving more than ever and anticipate his new self beaming forward.

Baby Chicks

Slaughtering my first chicken felt like a rite of passage. We put it off for weeks and when it came time to do it, I felt both exhilarated and totally humbled by the experience. Suddenly it seemed so silly that I've eaten meat my entire life and had rarely even witnessed an animal being slaughtered, let alone done it myself. It felt important to finally experience it, to be entirely present for the moment in my body, mind and spirit and to feel that close to the life that would feed my family. We slaughtered three chickens and just a few days later, three little baby chicks hatched in the coop!

Loaves, Fishes and Greens

Greens! I'm curious what our hemtocrit levels must be by now.
I don't think I've cooked a meal without greens for two weeks now. But not just greens. LOTS of greens! Piles of them in fact. Still the boys munch on them raw while we work in the field. There is nothing more satisfying for a mother than to watch her little ones eat collards, kale and chard enthusiatically straight from the garden.

I cherish the harvest days when the radishes that have been steadily sneakily growing under the ground finally reveal themselves and the peas that seemed too small to pick just yesterday are suddenly completely filled out. I am always so surprised by how much food comes from each little patch which doesn't seem like much until it's harvested. It always feels a bit like the loaves and fishes.

sand dunes

Weeks fly by and I notice I have not taken the time to write a post. Mostly it's because I know sleep is more valuable. Perhaps tonight I'm working against my better judgement.

One of our highlights of the past weeks was a trip to the Sand Dunes in southern Colorado. Four hours felt like five minutes in the blissful expanse of the dunes. A true treat for a mama of young children to watch them explore the grandeur of the dunes and play in the snow runoff of the seasonal river that was just up to their knees. This setting is so vast and yet so safe at the same time and allowed me to watch from a distance as nature truly embraced them.

healing, frogs, fish, sprouts and family

After several weeks of restless nights as Antonio seems to unravel another layer of trauma with his famous middle of the night scream, we have finally had three nights of consistently good sleep and are feeling like ourselves again. I see him healing, changing, clearing out his path so he can charge forward in his own fearless way. He seems to be coming out of the restless sleepless fog with a new sparkle in his eye and a new clarity about who he is.

After a day of teaching childbirth class, I came home to Treska, Kaya, Kiersten, Dara and Sally all ready to head up to the warm springs with the boys. Just two days ago, I scraped 6 inches of snow off of the car and so today's springtime warmth came with a huge sigh of relief. The sky was crystal clear. The frogs were chanting noisily but evaded us when we tried to find them. Butterflies flitted about. The hummingbirds buzzed on by. The water at the bottom of the arroyo was rushing.

Antonio is a fish! Miranda Canyon seems to be the perfect place for him. Having had access to the warm springs since before he was even big enough to stand in them, he has taught himself to swim! He dives under, kicks off with his feet, and can make it halfway across the spring underwater before having to come up for air. He is a self taught swimmer. It is so much fun to see a natural propensity come out like that under just the right circumstances.

Our cabbage and brocolli sprouts grew about an inch and half when we weren't looking today. Tomorrow they will make a new home in the greenhouse. I love going out to water the greenhouse! With winter paying hopefully one last visit this past week, I have taken refuge in its quiet steamy warmth. Every time a little sprout pops out it feels cause for celebration. Perhaps it brings out the midwife in me.

This week Treska and I will take a course that will certify us to use the community kitchen to process and sell food that we grow on our farm. The boys will spend the week with various friends who love them dearly and once again I am reminded how utterly fortunate I am to have the "extended family" we have here.

Blissfully Human

The last couple of days have been pure bliss as the sun finally shines springtime rays and the wind has turned to breezes. As we work on the field taking out clumps of grass that are too big to break up with a rotatiller and dig trenches to frame our greenhouse, the boys wander about in the dirt, their play turning to work turning to play. They find "treasures" of old broken glass, special rocks, bailing wire that could wreck a rotatiller if left unnoticed. Our piles of grass clumps become huge "fires" and they bring back more clumps that are "huge bags of zuchini, brocolli, onions" and much more to roast over the fires. They take turns digging the trench with us, then drive off on their shovel motorcycles to turn an upsidedown wheel barrow into a tractor. I can't help but thinking that this creative energy constantly about will help our vegetables to grow. Portions of the day go by when they are spontaneously under Kaya and Treska's dear supervision leaving Jennie and Kiersten and I to actually be productive in our work and we revel in the feeling of having a big family where everyone is cared for by all.

Kaya and Rafa started their egg business today by walking around the neighborhood together with a basketful of full egg cartons and selling to the neighbors. I take such joy in watching Kaya and Rafa bond over eggs and knowing we live in a safe place where they can have such freedom.

These last two days have left me feeling like this is exactly what I wanted for my family by starting our farming project; the chance to expose myself and my children to the kind of work and community that brings us closer to the reality of being human.

Baby Gwyn and Tia Beth visit

Tia Beth and Baby Gwyn arrived the day before yesterday. Rafa got the special job of feeding Gwyn her bottle on the way up from Albuquerque because he was the only one who could reach her in her car seat (he was next to her in his brand new booster seat). This was quite the thrill for him and he took on his responsibility with gravity. Tia Beth arrived with stinky cheese left over from her airplane snack and Rafa's great idea was to have it for dessert after dinner. The glorious qualities of stinky cheese were properly honored with song and dance, wiggles and giggles.

Waking up knowing that Baby Gwyn and Tia Beth are in the house is a true treat. So far we have gone to the warm springs, played on the tractor that is waiting to disc our field, explored the neighborhood, cooked and eaten lots of good food, started making willow easter baskets, and reveled together in the intense joys and challenges of parenting.

More starts and our first chicken dinner

King Winter and Brother Wind decided to pay a visit again this week which has put our plowing and greenhouse building on hold but we did manage to plant 200 tomato starts, 75 eggplant and 75 sweet pepper starts on Saturday. We also slaughtered our first chicken when we discovered an "egg pecker" in the bunch who gave herself away with egg dripping off of her face. Oyster shells in the food should prevent the others from pecking but we didn't want her to teach the rest of the flock. A whole new relationship with our food is developing. I have done much reflection on how to present the slaughtering process to the boys so they are not desensitized but also have a healthy understanding of what it means for us to eat meat. In the midst of all of my reflection and desire to make it all as repectful as possible, I have come to realize that it is all very straightforward for them. It seems their way of honoring the process is in accepting it with such grace and lack of judgement.

Yesterday we were on our way to the warm springs when we got to experience the moment we all wait for to tell us that spring is truly on its way; the little creek in the bottom of the arroyo starts flowing with icy cold runoff! The kids were so excited that we had to sit down right then and there and eat our snack. We listened to the steady trickle and told stories of flakes of snow patiently waiting to turn to drops of water that adventure down past new sights and sounds, the happiest of all being exuberant children.

Watch out where you're stepping

Watch out where you go

The river is rushing

It's all the melted snow.

From stone to stone we're stepping

It's such a sunny day!

From stone to stone we're stepping

For spring is on its way!

Tono's third birthday was a hit! When Rafa had his birthday in November, Tono was curious when his birthday would come around. "When the flowers start popping up out of the ground," I told him. All winter, he did not forget and reminded us regularly, "When the flowers are popping up, then it will be MY birthday!" So the afternoon before his birthday, Rafa came running into the house to exuberantly enthusiastically announce that indeed it was Tono's birthday and the flowers were here to prove it. Tono couldn't have been happier.

Usually we throw a little party for the boys' birthdays but this year we decided to do a family excursion instead. We met up with some friends in Santa Fe and took the brand new double decker train down to Albuquerque only to enjoy a glass of orange juice in downtown and then hop back on the train. A fantastic ride and then the day came to a close with a special birthday dinner and cake at home.

One of my favorite moments of the day was when Rafa ran for his guitar while I lit the birthday candles and proceeded to belt out an impromptu solo custom birthday song for his beloved brother with intense passion and vigor.

Our onion sprouts started popping up today. At first we saw only one but then they all of a sudden were popping out all over the place. Rafa spent his quiet time watching them sprout! We've planted 400 red and 400 yellow and 400 leeks, 2 in each six pack cell. It was also a two egg day!

The weather turned to spring today so by the time we had walked to our special spot near the arroyo, everyone's jackets had been shed and I had a huge pile to carry. We sat and made sage dolls with treasures that the kids found. Tono's had wild hair made from a scraggly root system he dug up with delight, Rafa's had a "crystal" heart. They brought much pleasure and joy.

brand new babies

Seeding started today! We tucked our babies into their beds of soil and sang them lullabies. It was a perfectly clear day (when we counted the clouds we found exactly two very tiny ones) and the sun warmed us as we worked. The spray bottle was the biggest hit for the boys! I was impressed by their first display of dedication to the farming project. They worked with focus and care. Rafa spent much of the day moving seeding trays around, organizing them just so in the garden cart, taking them for rides around the yard, helping carry them where they needed to go. Now the seedlings are all cozy in a sunny spot on the floor of Jennie's room and the anticipation of new life fills the house.

first egg

Our friend Jeff, who had been instrumental in inspiring us to start our farm and get chickens, had just paid a surprise visit. We headed out to the chicken coop lamenting that the chickens had not yet started laying. Then lo and behold we found our first egg! Rafa was so taken aback that he surmised Treska had snuck the egg into the coop to trick us. We headed across the street to share the news with the Figurski-Steins and soon the coop was bustling with the excitement of children planning their egg business, the cookies that would be made with the first egg, and who would be first to check tomorrow. The egg was passed from hand to hand and inspected until every spot on it had been noticed and appreciated. A very exciting moment indeed!